see kyle draw

June 7, 2007

[summer roadshow: hanover] ^{12:34 PM}

Can I tell you how much Pennsylvanian roads suck? Every highway is perpetually under construction (no workers ever present) and populated with drivers who don't know where their gas pedals or turn signals are. They say Hell is other people, but Hell is really other people driving in Pennsylvania.

The next stop in our trek was Hanover/New Oxford, PA, 14 miles outside Gettysburg and home to one of Boy's college friends and her fiance. They rent 10 acres and a postcard-ready 3-bedroom farmhouse for $500 a month, which is a far cry from our large-but-still-a-1-bedroom LA apartment.

Murphy befriends a giant black lab on the farm named Gunther, who we imagine to sound like Stanley from The Office. After a few humping episodes, we start calling Murphy "fish" and pretend we're watching Oz. Fish can hold his own.

Fiance is a gear-head, so he and Boy get along famously, and on our last night there we're taken to where Fiance works. Sort of. Fiance works at a military weapons facility test-driving tanks. He takes 32 TON tanks around a race track. Needless to say its not open to the public, but there are a few roads you can take where you get a pretty good view.

As we're standing there, on the backwoods road in rural Pennsylvania waiting for a tank to roll around a 45 mph, a go-kart comes shooting up the gravel road. A barefoot shirtless 10-ish year old boy in denim cut-offs with an earring hops out and asks us what we're doing, then informs us that we're on private property while his sister, probably 12, swears at him so much that I'm pretty sure she's a re-incarnated sailor from the 40's.

They drive away, the tank drives by again, this time spewing smoke and shooting sparks off the ground as it rounds the curve for the straightaway.

It's not soon after the latest tank run that we see the headlights of a pickup truck come tearing away from the farmhouse down the dirt road. No doubt its bumpkin boy's father, and it doesn't take much to wager he's got a shotgun riding shotgun beside him.

I'd had a feeling that we'd encounter SOMETHING while watching the weapons testing facility, a black helicopter or an extra from The X-Files, but I didn't expect hillbillies with go-karts or shotguns. We hop in the car, at which point the V8 comes in handy as we launch over gravel roads, fields and ditches and make a few quick turns to get away from Father Pick-up.

In the car, I begin to say everything that just happened out loud. It sounds far more like The Hills Have Eyes than Dukes of Hazard when you say it out loud, and we all begin to laugh loudly, because that's what you do when realize you haven't been shot at or chopped up with a chainsaw and put in a make-shift smokehouse.



	« summer roadshow: mcconnells mills to kiski \| Main \| summer roadshow: philly and points north » June 7, 2007 [summer roadshow: hanover] ^{12:34 PM} Can I tell you how much Pennsylvanian roads suck? Every highway is perpetually under construction (no workers ever present) and populated with drivers who don't know where their gas pedals or turn signals are. They say Hell is other people, but Hell is really other people driving in Pennsylvania. The next stop in our trek was Hanover/New Oxford, PA, 14 miles outside Gettysburg and home to one of Boy's college friends and her fiance. They rent 10 acres and a postcard-ready 3-bedroom farmhouse for $500 a month, which is a far cry from our large-but-still-a-1-bedroom LA apartment. Murphy befriends a giant black lab on the farm named Gunther, who we imagine to sound like Stanley from The Office. After a few humping episodes, we start calling Murphy "fish" and pretend we're watching Oz. Fish can hold his own. Fiance is a gear-head, so he and Boy get along famously, and on our last night there we're taken to where Fiance works. Sort of. Fiance works at a military weapons facility test-driving tanks. He takes 32 TON tanks around a race track. Needless to say its not open to the public, but there are a few roads you can take where you get a pretty good view. As we're standing there, on the backwoods road in rural Pennsylvania waiting for a tank to roll around a 45 mph, a go-kart comes shooting up the gravel road. A barefoot shirtless 10-ish year old boy in denim cut-offs with an earring hops out and asks us what we're doing, then informs us that we're on private property while his sister, probably 12, swears at him so much that I'm pretty sure she's a re-incarnated sailor from the 40's. They drive away, the tank drives by again, this time spewing smoke and shooting sparks off the ground as it rounds the curve for the straightaway. It's not soon after the latest tank run that we see the headlights of a pickup truck come tearing away from the farmhouse down the dirt road. No doubt its bumpkin boy's father, and it doesn't take much to wager he's got a shotgun riding shotgun beside him. I'd had a feeling that we'd encounter SOMETHING while watching the weapons testing facility, a black helicopter or an extra from The X-Files, but I didn't expect hillbillies with go-karts or shotguns. We hop in the car, at which point the V8 comes in handy as we launch over gravel roads, fields and ditches and make a few quick turns to get away from Father Pick-up. In the car, I begin to say everything that just happened out loud. It sounds far more like The Hills Have Eyes than Dukes of Hazard when you say it out loud, and we all begin to laugh loudly, because that's what you do when realize you haven't been shot at or chopped up with a chainsaw and put in a make-shift smokehouse.

June 7, 2007

[summer roadshow: hanover] 12:34 PM

[summer roadshow: hanover] ^{12:34 PM}