see kyle draw

March 13, 2005

[Dear J.J.] ^{5:33 PM}

As most of you know, six months ago I had a really really bad break-up. We'd had some tough times, but I was patient and loving, and willing to work things out. My feelings weren't returned, and it was bad. BAD. And so Alias and I seperated.

During my lunch with Marc yesterday, the topic of my ex came up, and I asked how it was doing, what was going on, etc. I voiced my complaints, and he said that many of them had been addressed, and that he was loyal, and that even Uncle Rimbaldi (one of my favorite members of the extended family) was coming back.

So last night, I acquired 4.08, "Echoes" and 4.09 "A Man of His Word." I sat down, willing to talk.

What. The. Fuck?

The only way to explain what I watched was that the entire cast of Alias guest-hosted MadTV and did a 44 minute parody "in character." Wait, no, MadTV makes me laugh.

It was CLUMSY. The storytelling was retarded, the dialoge stilted, and I actually groaned outloud twice. Only one thing about "Echoes" pleased me, and it was this nugget:

JACK Ana Espinosa.
SYNDEY She ... she's supposed to be dead.
JACK So are a lot of people.

BITCH POINTS:
• This really IS a season one redux. Only in season one the covert opts, dare I say it, were plausible. Working for Sloane under the assumption of a lie was plausible. Getting to know and possibly trust Jack Bristow was plausible. Somewhere along the way these characters lost their short term memory.
• Hey! Nice new set for headquarters. How much does the Apple Store charge for a location fee? Is it the one in the Grove?
• Jennifer Garner, you've ceased to be endearing. It's time to kill you off or promote you. Bring in Keri Russell. Give her the double-life.
• Michael Vartan, you have my sympathies. I know when you signed that 5 year contract you didn't know you'd date and subsequently break-up with the star, have to work with her everyday, and have your character turned into a charicature.
• Dear writing staff, if you want to continue to "evolve" Vaughn in the direction of hardend warrior, please get out your season 3, 4, and 5 sets of Angel (that means you Mr. Fury) and look at this fellow named Wesley and his logical progression into a film noir badass.
• Please buy/film some new establishing shots of LA. I've been here for only 3 months and I see more of downtown than I do on your show. And you have access to a helicoptor.
• Oh, Nadia. Are you tired that Syndey refers to you as her "sister" ALL the time? Do you get a creepy lesbian vibe?
• I was excited when I heard in the premiere Sydney gets fired by the CIA. It was about time, the woman's insane and breaks about 38 rules a week. So she gets "fired" only to go work for Black Ops with Sloane and the rest of the cast? The only way this idea would have worked was if it was "trim the fat" time at the Bad Robot production office. JJ has about 15 new shows in the works (or so it seems) and you know he loves reusing his actors, so I don't think anyone would have hard feelings about being glorifically killed, thus adding some actual anger and motivation to the remaning characters (only to pop up on another show: 3 Felicity cast members reside on Alias, and Terry O'Quinn moved on to be the savant Locke on Lost, not to mention the power of the guest spot).
• There was a time when expositon on this show was addressed as "suspense." Apparently suspense is too hard to do (it gets hard when you throw logic out the window), so now they just sit down at tables and say "I have something to tell you." Please.
• First SD-6. Then The Alliance. Then the Covenant. Now "CRF." We live in Al Queda times, it's true, but let's not forget that single madmen are far more dangerous than organizations. You need to fight someone with a volcanic lair, and you need to do it fast.
• Thanks for bringing back Sark and Ana Espinosa. If you rememberd why they were cool in the first place, I might have enjoyed them on screen more. I don't blame David Anders or Gina Torres, I mean, when your character is written like Mya Rudolph's Donatella Versace impersonation from SNL, you have your work cut out for you.

I'm just really disappointed. I mean, two days ago I bought Felicity season 4 on dvd. You know season 4, the 18 episode season that the WB extended to 22 after the finale was filmed so they did the whole magic time-travel spell. And it WORKED. You're fucking JJ Abrams. You can send college co-eds back in time and have me not scoff. I know Lost is your new baby and you have all these new shows and movies coming out, and while I love Felicity, lets realize that Alias has gotten you where you are today. Alias gave ABC modest numbers. Alias got Tom Cruise to want you for Mission Impossible 3.

I have some pretty retarded relationships with some of my ex's, but c'mon man, it can be fixed and you're just not doing it.

WHAT WOULD I DO?
It's time for a major fuck-up in the land of Bristow & Bristow. I need at least 6 deaths, 2 disappearances, and I need Syndey Bristow on the run. The suspense of Syd getting caught was one of the driving forces of the entire first season, and it's GONE. It's been pretty much established that the world is Sydney's playground, that she can do what she wants, she can break protocol and even disregard entire missions if she wants. Ever see a show called The Fugitive? How about we put lil miss Golden Globe in some actual scenarios where she needs to act again.

Oh, Alias. Seasons one and two sit on my shelf proudly. I hold season two close to my heart. I love you, even if you don't love me anymore. I'll check back in May to see how you're doing (there are Lena Olin rumors again), but I don't know if I can take another outing like "Echoes." There comes a time when a man needs to draw a line in the sand and say "this is where I stand."

And there comes a time when a man has to say, "I'm over you."

*Stands and applauds*

Thank you, Kyle.

Thank you so fucking much for being able to adequately articulate what we have all been thinking for weeks (and longer).

I hope that you send this to JJ, or better still - deliver it in person with a hefty kick to the ass.

Posted by: chii at March 13, 2005 7:51 PM

Alias has never been spectacular in the ratings category, so it's obvious why the beginning of this season seems like season 1 redux. It's all about getting the new viewers that might stick to watch it after Lost. But despite what the first episodes have led us to believe, the characters haven't forgotten about the last three seasons, as Dixon and Syd have continually reminded us in the last few episodes. If I hear Sydney tell Sloane "You make me want to wretch!" one more time *I* might wretch, but at least she remembers everthing that's happened. You watched eps 8 and 9, but I recommend you watch 10 as well. Not only does it take Syd's and Dixon's distrust of Sloane to a new level, but it reveals the beginnings of interesting new plots involving Vaughn's dad, and Sloane and Jack working together. Something is going on and these beginning episodes have just been there to guide new viewer's hands to bring them up to speed.

Plus there's no way in hell Irena is really dead. That's pretty much a given.

Posted by: Chris T. at March 14, 2005 12:56 AM

Love the "Alias" rant. And you're absolutely right. But ... "Alias" is just like any James Bond movie or "Mission: Impossible." Even if it's really bad, I still have to love it and watch. It's a good thing you watched the "better" episodes of this season, or you might have just collapsed and died.

Posted by: Marc at March 14, 2005 10:20 AM

Kyle, you might not like me after I tell you this, but I have to be honest. We shared a former fling. Yes, you and I had the same love at one point at the same time...a few seasons ago. One that I was willing to share because of its addictive qualities and sexy-biatchness (what all great relationships are made of).

But alas, I too lost the love. Hard. And it hurt...to see such a good thing go bad.

Your sentiments micmick mine so well. Now that this is on the table, we can become the best of friends who get together and cry about the once great love lost.

Oh JJ. You built us up to let us down.

Posted by: caroline at March 14, 2005 5:10 PM

Well, being a newbie to the Alias world, a lot of what you said, Kyle, makes a lot of sense, I must admit though that I'm still enjoying it. I recently watched all three seasons of Alias for the first time on DVD. Talk about addictive! Me and a couple friends basically devoted 10 hour Sundays to fucking watching TV! It was like Heroin. And Season 2, in my opinion, was just the absolute best. So, I came in to the middle of Season 4 and I must agree, it's lost something. I'm not biting my nails or wondering about the next plot twist. It's still entertaining to some degree, but yeah, I'm with you in that it doesn't compare with the seasons that came before it.

Well, here's hoping 4 us newbies it does get better. I don't know how you guys waited weeks on some of those cliffhangers! Luckily (on unluckily) I have not bated my breath this season at all for the next episode.

Posted by: Saturn at March 15, 2005 8:51 AM

Believe it or not I have never seen Alias and I just added it to my Tivo yesterday. I guess I’ll be deleting that immediately. Thanks for the heads up!

Posted by: Christopher at March 16, 2005 3:49 PM



	« golden retrieval \| Main \| kryptonite » March 13, 2005 [Dear J.J.] ^{5:33 PM} As most of you know, six months ago I had a really really bad break-up. We'd had some tough times, but I was patient and loving, and willing to work things out. My feelings weren't returned, and it was bad. BAD. And so Alias and I seperated. During my lunch with Marc yesterday, the topic of my ex came up, and I asked how it was doing, what was going on, etc. I voiced my complaints, and he said that many of them had been addressed, and that he was loyal, and that even Uncle Rimbaldi (one of my favorite members of the extended family) was coming back. So last night, I acquired 4.08, "Echoes" and 4.09 "A Man of His Word." I sat down, willing to talk. What. The. Fuck? The only way to explain what I watched was that the entire cast of Alias guest-hosted MadTV and did a 44 minute parody "in character." Wait, no, MadTV makes me laugh. It was CLUMSY. The storytelling was retarded, the dialoge stilted, and I actually groaned outloud twice. Only one thing about "Echoes" pleased me, and it was this nugget: JACK Ana Espinosa. SYNDEY She ... she's supposed to be dead. JACK So are a lot of people. BITCH POINTS: • This really IS a season one redux. Only in season one the covert opts, dare I say it, were plausible. Working for Sloane under the assumption of a lie was plausible. Getting to know and possibly trust Jack Bristow was plausible. Somewhere along the way these characters lost their short term memory. • Hey! Nice new set for headquarters. How much does the Apple Store charge for a location fee? Is it the one in the Grove? • Jennifer Garner, you've ceased to be endearing. It's time to kill you off or promote you. Bring in Keri Russell. Give her the double-life. • Michael Vartan, you have my sympathies. I know when you signed that 5 year contract you didn't know you'd date and subsequently break-up with the star, have to work with her everyday, and have your character turned into a charicature. • Dear writing staff, if you want to continue to "evolve" Vaughn in the direction of hardend warrior, please get out your season 3, 4, and 5 sets of Angel (that means you Mr. Fury) and look at this fellow named Wesley and his logical progression into a film noir badass. • Please buy/film some new establishing shots of LA. I've been here for only 3 months and I see more of downtown than I do on your show. And you have access to a helicoptor. • Oh, Nadia. Are you tired that Syndey refers to you as her "sister" ALL the time? Do you get a creepy lesbian vibe? • I was excited when I heard in the premiere Sydney gets fired by the CIA. It was about time, the woman's insane and breaks about 38 rules a week. So she gets "fired" only to go work for Black Ops with Sloane and the rest of the cast? The only way this idea would have worked was if it was "trim the fat" time at the Bad Robot production office. JJ has about 15 new shows in the works (or so it seems) and you know he loves reusing his actors, so I don't think anyone would have hard feelings about being glorifically killed, thus adding some actual anger and motivation to the remaning characters (only to pop up on another show: 3 Felicity cast members reside on Alias, and Terry O'Quinn moved on to be the savant Locke on Lost, not to mention the power of the guest spot). • There was a time when expositon on this show was addressed as "suspense." Apparently suspense is too hard to do (it gets hard when you throw logic out the window), so now they just sit down at tables and say "I have something to tell you." Please. • First SD-6. Then The Alliance. Then the Covenant. Now "CRF." We live in Al Queda times, it's true, but let's not forget that single madmen are far more dangerous than organizations. You need to fight someone with a volcanic lair, and you need to do it fast. • Thanks for bringing back Sark and Ana Espinosa. If you rememberd why they were cool in the first place, I might have enjoyed them on screen more. I don't blame David Anders or Gina Torres, I mean, when your character is written like Mya Rudolph's Donatella Versace impersonation from SNL, you have your work cut out for you. I'm just really disappointed. I mean, two days ago I bought Felicity season 4 on dvd. You know season 4, the 18 episode season that the WB extended to 22 after the finale was filmed so they did the whole magic time-travel spell. And it WORKED. You're fucking JJ Abrams. You can send college co-eds back in time and have me not scoff. I know Lost is your new baby and you have all these new shows and movies coming out, and while I love Felicity, lets realize that Alias has gotten you where you are today. Alias gave ABC modest numbers. Alias got Tom Cruise to want you for Mission Impossible 3. I have some pretty retarded relationships with some of my ex's, but c'mon man, it can be fixed and you're just not doing it. WHAT WOULD I DO? It's time for a major fuck-up in the land of Bristow & Bristow. I need at least 6 deaths, 2 disappearances, and I need Syndey Bristow on the run. The suspense of Syd getting caught was one of the driving forces of the entire first season, and it's GONE. It's been pretty much established that the world is Sydney's playground, that she can do what she wants, she can break protocol and even disregard entire missions if she wants. Ever see a show called The Fugitive? How about we put lil miss Golden Globe in some actual scenarios where she needs to act again. Oh, Alias. Seasons one and two sit on my shelf proudly. I hold season two close to my heart. I love you, even if you don't love me anymore. I'll check back in May to see how you're doing (there are Lena Olin rumors again), but I don't know if I can take another outing like "Echoes." There comes a time when a man needs to draw a line in the sand and say "this is where I stand." And there comes a time when a man has to say, "I'm over you." Comments Stands and applauds Thank you, Kyle. Thank you so fucking much for being able to adequately articulate what we have all been thinking for weeks (and longer). I hope that you send this to JJ, or better still - deliver it in person with a hefty kick to the ass. Posted by: chii at March 13, 2005 7:51 PM Alias has never been spectacular in the ratings category, so it's obvious why the beginning of this season seems like season 1 redux. It's all about getting the new viewers that might stick to watch it after Lost. But despite what the first episodes have led us to believe, the characters haven't forgotten about the last three seasons, as Dixon and Syd have continually reminded us in the last few episodes. If I hear Sydney tell Sloane "You make me want to wretch!" one more time I might wretch, but at least she remembers everthing that's happened. You watched eps 8 and 9, but I recommend you watch 10 as well. Not only does it take Syd's and Dixon's distrust of Sloane to a new level, but it reveals the beginnings of interesting new plots involving Vaughn's dad, and Sloane and Jack working together. Something is going on and these beginning episodes have just been there to guide new viewer's hands to bring them up to speed. Plus there's no way in hell Irena is really dead. That's pretty much a given. Posted by: Chris T. at March 14, 2005 12:56 AM I understand the logistics of what they're trying to do Chris, I'm just saying they're sucking horribly at it. Posted by: kyle at March 14, 2005 1:01 AM Love the "Alias" rant. And you're absolutely right. But ... "Alias" is just like any James Bond movie or "Mission: Impossible." Even if it's really bad, I still have to love it and watch. It's a good thing you watched the "better" episodes of this season, or you might have just collapsed and died. Posted by: Marc at March 14, 2005 10:20 AM Kyle, you might not like me after I tell you this, but I have to be honest. We shared a former fling. Yes, you and I had the same love at one point at the same time...a few seasons ago. One that I was willing to share because of its addictive qualities and sexy-biatchness (what all great relationships are made of). But alas, I too lost the love. Hard. And it hurt...to see such a good thing go bad. Your sentiments micmick mine so well. Now that this is on the table, we can become the best of friends who get together and cry about the once great love lost. Oh JJ. You built us up to let us down. Posted by: caroline at March 14, 2005 5:10 PM I'd like to play devil's advocate and say that Alias has, and always will, quite simply: suck. And don't get me started on Jen Garner. Posted by: D at March 15, 2005 12:41 AM Well, being a newbie to the Alias world, a lot of what you said, Kyle, makes a lot of sense, I must admit though that I'm still enjoying it. I recently watched all three seasons of Alias for the first time on DVD. Talk about addictive! Me and a couple friends basically devoted 10 hour Sundays to fucking watching TV! It was like Heroin. And Season 2, in my opinion, was just the absolute best. So, I came in to the middle of Season 4 and I must agree, it's lost something. I'm not biting my nails or wondering about the next plot twist. It's still entertaining to some degree, but yeah, I'm with you in that it doesn't compare with the seasons that came before it. Well, here's hoping 4 us newbies it does get better. I don't know how you guys waited weeks on some of those cliffhangers! Luckily (on unluckily) I have not bated my breath this season at all for the next episode. Posted by: Saturn at March 15, 2005 8:51 AM Dude, it took me WAYYY too long to know you were talking about a show. bonks head on wall Hope all is well! hug Posted by: aa at March 15, 2005 1:39 PM Believe it or not I have never seen Alias and I just added it to my Tivo yesterday. I guess I’ll be deleting that immediately. Thanks for the heads up! Posted by: Christopher at March 16, 2005 3:49 PM Post A Comment Name: Email Address: URL: Remember personal info? YesNo Comments:

March 13, 2005

[Dear J.J.] 5:33 PM

[Dear J.J.] ^{5:33 PM}